If I… If you…
A poem for a dissociative friend
From the Rumbles from the Grinder series
If I reach to my core
(where you can’t follow me)
I will find no substances
But a thousand little voices
Fluttering or limping, miserable or happy.
I have to go deeper
To find solidity.
Deeper, down to the eternal Mother
- Matrix of possibility-
The Strength of the Earth.
If I sink into memory
(and please, don’t follow me)
I will find no substances
But the debris of sunken ships
Castaway on a beach of time
Like living relics.
I have to go further
To the memory of Creation
Pulled by my umbilical cord
And explore the things that matter
Into Mater.
If I travel within my mind
(an uncomfortable place to be)
I will find small animals
Hovering on the stilts of traumas
Left by rape and tragedy.
I will find few things worth keeping
Perhaps a chocolate cookie.
I have to travel profounder
Deep into my cells
Brake the improbability walls
And gather the fragments of Self
That lie on the other side of vanish
The power of Life.
If I explore within my heart
(a place where you’re certain to be)
I will find echoes of music
Down by Lake Selby,
Holding a loving hand, listening,
To the voice of Cohen.
And if I travel more inscrutably,
Deeper than most minds can see
I will find the essence of silence
The place where Sacredness can be.
If you, my dears, reach to your core,
If you sink into memory,
If you travel within your mind,
If you explore your heart,
I know, my lovelies, what you will find
And my heart sinks with your calamity.
But if you reach down deeper,
Further, profounder,
To the place of inscrutability.
You will feel the Jewel
That I know you to be.